The right to marry is the talk of California, if not the nation, right now. But as the gay community fights for marriage access, African Americans have routinely been singled out for not marrying as frequently as other ethnic groups do.
About 42 percent of black men and 41 percent of black women are unmarried, compared to 27.5 percent of white men and 21 percent of white women, according to the African American Healthy Marriage Initiative, a campaign of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. To boot, African Americans divorce at higher rates, live in more single-headed family households, and have more out-of-wedlock births than their white, Hispanic, and Asian counterparts, the marriage initiative found.
This is a trend that Los Angeles-based marriage advocates La Grande and Sonja Mason seek to reverse. The Masons, who married in 1972, teach marriage education courses via their nonprofit, Helping Angelinos Live Optimistic (H.A.L.O.) and have hosted the annual Black Marriage Day celebration in Los Angeles. For their work, L.A. City Councilman Bernard Parks has presented them with a city award. The Masons are now involved in a campaign called "Divorce is Unacceptable," which aims to keep black families intact.
"I really want people to understand we have to get back to those days when (divorce) wasn't really an option," Sonja Mason said. "People simply worked things out. The system has made divorce so easy. They even advertise quickie divorces."
She said marriage is vital because it's the foundation of the family. She and her husband say the benefits of marriage are numerous.
La Grande Mason, a psychoanalyst and psychotherapist, says that children raised in two-parent families are less likely to get involved with gangs or drugs and are more likely to go to college and have successful marriages themselves. His wife added that life expectancy is longer for married people and financial situations are better. A school administrator in her day job, Sonja Mason said that she's seen firsthand how divorce damages children.
"We've seen some students that were really well-behaved and self-motivated," she said. "All of a sudden mom and dad split up, and they kind of get lost in the shuffle."
Mason said that she's not advocating for parents to stay together only because of their children. She believes it's important, however, for parents to try to save their marriages by learning how to effectively communicate and remembering what attracted them to their mates in the first place.
Clearly, some in the black community are serious about trying to save their marriages, but they are going about it the wrong way, La Grande Mason said. Rather than visiting a psychotherapist, they make an appointment with their local church pastor. This may be a mistake if the minister lacks the proper expertise, he said.
Many "ministers, believe it or not, have not been trained to do clinical counseling or therapy," he added.
Nisa Muhammad, creator of Black Marriage Day and director of the Wedded Bliss Foundation in Washington, D.C., applauds the Masons for their efforts to educate African Americans about marriage. She spoke at a marriage day event the couple held in March.
"I'm incredibly impressed with the work they're doing with marriage in the black community," Muhammad said. "They work tirelessly to make marriage the rule rather than the exception."
For many in the black community, however, divorce isn't the problem because cohabitation is so prevalent. La Grande Mason said that living together isn't a suitable alternative to marriage.
"Under most circumstances, couples who cohabitate and get married don't always have the best relationships," he said. "There is an element of a lack of trust."
This is because the level of commitment in a marriage is presumably missing in relationships when couples simply live together.
Of course, some people simply don't want to marry. They appreciate the single life. Sonja Mason said that, while she and her husband aren't imposing marriage on everyone, they believe that many singles come to regret a life alone. They ask themselves, "Is this really how I want the rest of my life to go?" she said.
Others shy away from marriage because they didn't have proper role models and, thus, fear repeating their parents' mistakes, the Masons say.
But Sonja Mason admitted that marriage isn't for everyone. However, part of being a marriage advocate is to show those who would benefit from marriage that they, too, can have a thriving union.
"Marriage doesn't (mean) you lose your individuality," La Grande Mason said.
For the Masons, telling people that a successful marriage is attainable is easy because they have achieved it together for nearly four decades.
The key to their marriage, according to La Grande Mason: "I buy her gifts, and I take her out," he said. "She treats me like a king."
For more information, visit lahalo.org.
Nadra Kareem is a writer for the L.A. Watts Times.
Photo Courtesy of La Grande and Sonja Mason
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